My Postpartum Story

Everyone shares a birth story but I don't think I've ever read about someone's postpartum story. I debated on sharing mine because honestly I wondered if anybody even cared. I have come to find though that reading other bloggers' personal stories has always given me something to relate to. It brings slight hope to read that someone went through the same thing you did, or at least similar. So I decided to share what transpired after Oliver was born in hopes that anyone going through something similar can relate and feel a little less alone.

Oliver arrived November 2nd with zero complications. I had zero pain and minimal bleeding post delivery which felt like a miracle since that was not the case after I delivered Elin. Two weeks postpartum was when my issues began.

I developed a fever at first, and a negative test confirmed it wasn't Covid. My fever went away within 12 hours. After a late night nursing session, I was burping Oliver and he spit up a substantial amount of blood. He was acting fine, and he was scheduled for a check up the next morning with the pediatrician anyway. I brought it to their attention and he had us schedule with a GI doctor. Since everything else was checking out and he seemed perfectly happy and healthy, I was told to just monitor him and of course let them know if it happened again. Once it happened again, I decided to exclusively pump to determine if the blood was indeed from him or from me. Pumping confirmed that it was from me when I had clots come out of my right breast. I was scheduled for a mammogram and it was determined everything was normal. I decided to wean off of that breast since it produced such little milk to begin with.

Blood spit up after a nursing session:

What a typical pumping session looked like...around 6oz from my left breast and about 1 oz from my right:

Two weeks after that, we were in the car heading to Virginia to surprise my mom for her birthday. I developed a high fever, chills, and vomiting on the way up. I felt engorgement in my left breast so I power pumped every 30 minutes in the car to help alleviate it. When no difference was made, I assumed I was developing mastitis and called my doctor for an antibiotic to be sent in. Since I was out of town, they weren't able to see me but graciously sent in an antibiotic and I started it that night. This was when my milk supply dropped dramatically. I went from pumping 6-8oz from my left breast to not even half an ounce. I had to start Oliver on formula since I wasn't meeting demand.

The next evening I noticed a rash, swelling, and joint pain throughout my body. I developed nephropathy in my hands and feet and struggled to get out of bed and walk around. I ended up heading to the local emergency room where they determined I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic. My body felt weak and achy, as if I had been hit by a car. They sent me home with steroids and told me to stop taking the antibiotics (which had penicillin in it). They also determined I did not have mastitis.

The steroids settled things down, and within two days I started to regain feeling in my hands and feet. We headed back home to Fort Mill and I felt 'okay'. Within three to four days, I started feeling intense joint pain again. I couldn't walk on my own, I couldn't pick up Oliver. I couldn't set up my own pump and had to have Bjorn attach it to my breasts. I couldn't even use my thumb and pointer finger to zip up my pumping bra because it hurt too much. Every inch of my body was in excruciating pain. We decided to call an ambulance at 7AM to take me to the hospital since Bjorn had to stay with the kids. Once a friend was able to come stay at the house with the kids, Bjorn joined me at the hospital. Six hours and numerous blood tests & x-rays later, I was sent home with no answers. Everything came back normal. I was told this was likely something autoimmune related.

It was a Sunday night and I was desperate. I still hadn't had my 6 week postpartum check up, and I kept calling my doctor's office to try and get in as soon as possible but wasn't having any success. (A little back story-my wonderful doctor, Dr. Graham, left Novant when I was about 8 months pregnant to join a private practice. Since we were planning on moving out of state in a few months anyway, I decided to finish out my pregnancy and delivery with Novant as I would be getting a new doctor in Virginia anyway. So at this point postpartum, I hadn't seen Dr. Graham in 3-4 months). Since I was desperate, and wasn't having any luck getting in to the Novant office, I reached out to Dr. Graham very late on a Sunday night through Instagram and explained what I had been going through.

The angel that she is, Dr. Graham got back to me right away and also said what was going on with me sounded autoimmune related. She told me to come in to her new office the next day. I was still having trouble walking, so Bjorn helped me get there. I was able to do my postpartum check up with her, and she got me into a rheumatologist the very next day. At this point, the skin on my fingers was beginning to peel and fall off, BUT I had full feeling back in my hands and feet, and I was walking better. They gave me a steroid shot to help calm my body down. Within a day I was able to walk more normally, and I learned that all the tests came back normal. This was a blessing but also concerning because I had no answers.

Around this time I noticed my left breast became heavily engorged again. I tried everything you can think of to relieve it...salt soaks, cabbage leaves, power pumping...nothing worked. A couple weeks went by and my breast began to change colors. I called Dr. Graham right away and was seen within two days. She was worried of the possibility of a breast abscess and sent me to a radiologist for an ultrasound and put me on a strong antibiotic. The ultrasound indeed showed a massive abscess, and they did a needle aspiration to drain over 500ml of puss right then and there. I ended up having five aspirations done in a 6 week period to continue draining the infection, and had close to 1000ml of fluid removed. This was in place of an incision and drainage surgery to avoid major scarring. The culture came back showing I had a staph infection. I was also told that the steroid shot I received at the rheumatologist a couple weeks prior, is what spiked my breast abscess to the extreme level that it was.

During this ordeal, I was dealing with the most intense night sweats which can be pretty normal postpartum, but these were likely intensified due to the lingering infection in my body. They cleared up after I started taking a low dose estrogen and my infection was drained.

The physical trauma I went through affected my mental state in a way I can't explain. I was terrified that the joint pain wouldn't go away, but once it went away I was terrified that it would come back...I had no answers. It was determined it was postpartum hormones. But what affected me the most and will continue to be a burden of sadness for the rest of my life was when I decided to wean from breastfeeding/pumping. I tried so hard to continue through all of this and I just couldn't do it. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I still cry some evenings while laying in bed thinking about it because even though it was the right decision for my mental health, it wasn't what I wanted for Oliver. Dr. Graham helped me through this decision and I will never forget what she said to me: "every pediatrician is going to encourage breastfeeding because it is their job to look out for the baby, but it's my job to look out for the mom". I cried the whole way home because I knew it was the right decision, I just didn't want it to be.

When new moms post photos of their newborn babies, I congratulate them but make a point to wish the MOM well...that I hope she is doing as best as she can be in those first few weeks and months. Moms just aren't asked enough if they are okay.

I'm thankful for the ability to move freely and pain free now. I will never take that for granted again. I'm thankful for a doctor who listened to me and fought for me and pulled strings for me. I was not okay and she was my saving grace. I hope everyone has a doctor who will do that for them. I also hope that if you are going through a horrible postpartum experience, that you seek help from a professional. Dr. Graham is a mental health advocate and I was so lucky to have her in my corner (and STILL have her in my corner!). She wrote to me many times through the portal and through texts, and she once wrote "You will be better. Hear me saying that and repeat it to yourself." Those words helped me SO much.

I really struggled with the idea of sharing my story, because SO many people have much worse medical situations, and deal with chronic illnesses and chronic pain. I had to tell myself that while that is true, it doesn't make what I went through any less traumatic for me. I really have no answers for what happened, and I will always have the tiny thought in my head that it could potentially happen again in the future.

If you have a postpartum story that you need to talk about, I'd love to hear it! If you're currently in the postpartum stage and having a hard time, you will be better. Hear me saying that and repeat it to yourself!

In a much better place, enjoying moments with this sweet boy: